This is possibly the most difficult blog post I have
written. I had intentions of writing it
yesterday but I don’t think I was in the right place emotionally to do
that. Even today, each time I think
there is something that I need to write, I go to my computer and read a few
more news articles about yesterday’s shooting at an elementary school in
Connecticut, and find myself in tears.
The more I read, the harder it actually gets to write something that
makes sense in the midst of a senseless act.
Although I have been known to do the opposite in the past, recently I
have tried to find a positive message, even in the worst situations
imaginable. What could be positive about
innocent children losing their lives? A
senseless act. Since first hearing of what
occurred, I have had a continuous fast forward loop in my head of not only my
own children at elementary school age, but also the kindergarteners that I
spent time with, volunteering at a local elementary school a few years ago. The childlike innocence and wonder. The enthusiasm for discovering the
world. The openness and kindness and
pure hearts that have not yet become jaded and cynical by this thing we call
life. I haven’t talked to many people
about how this has affected me, because each time I think of it, or hear or
read one more news report, I feel that lump in my throat, forcing tears out of
my eyes to roll down my cheeks… I literally feel as if I am choking on my own
sorrowful emotions. The sadness for
lives lost, for Christmas presents that will go unopened and for the pain that
no parent should ever have to endure, the loss of a child.
We also need to remember the others, those who lost their
lives, and those who lived, all of them heroes.
The adults who found themselves helpless, in an uncontrollable
situation, trying to protect the children that these parents entrusted them
with on a daily basis. A principal who
tried to overtake a gunman. A teacher, who hid the children in her classroom in
cabinets and closets, telling the gunman the children were in the gym, only to
lose her own life. Another teacher, who
saved the lives of the children in her charge by barricading herself and the
entire class in a bathroom, making sure to tell them that she loved each and
every one of them, trying not cry, just wanting to be sure that if that was the
last thing those kids ever heard, they knew they were loved. The little boy who told that same teacher “It’s
ok, I know karate, I can lead us out of here past the bad guys.” A librarian, who brought children into a
storage room, calm enough to find paper and crayons so in order to keep them
distracted from the fear they might otherwise have.
I don’t know if there will ever be an explanation to satisfy
all of our questions about why this happened.
Even those of us with ironclad faith that God has a plan, no matter what
happens, His plan surpasses all human understanding, find it difficult to make
sense of this. I realize that what I am
saying is similar to everything you have heard already. Though I have asked God to bless me with some
wisdom to share that might help at least one person to find peace in this
tragic situation, I still find myself without any unique or magical words. And even though you have continuously heard
this over the past day and a half, I will say it all again. Take the time to give some extra hugs every
day, not only to your children, but also to anyone important in your life. Make sure that no matter what, through
struggles and arguments, and even when you are angry that you ALWAYS say “I
love you.” Remember to show gratitude
and appreciation to those whom you entrust with the care of your children…. And
even when you don’t agree with teachers of your children, parents of the
children you teach, friends of your children, parents of your children’s
friends and even your own children - try
to remember how fortunate you are to have those people in your life and how
none of those disagreeable emotions would matter if you had to experience
first-hand what those in Newtown, Connecticut went through yesterday.
God bless the new Angels and Saints in Heaven, who now watch
over us.
