Lately I have been feeling very content with my life. Not in a comfortable stuck in a rut kind of
way, but just content in a way that I feel more at ease in general. (With myself, with the people in my life,
with where I am at and where life has yet to lead me.) Other than the random mishaps which somehow
ONLY happen to me - such as mistaking a live bee on the floor for a piece of
fuzz or a crumb and haplessly picking it up with my bare hand and realizing it
is a bee once it stings me and my hand blows up to the size of a boxing glove -
my life has been void of major drama.
Yet all of this leads me to question what exactly makes each and every
one of us feel content. Not that overwhelmingly
happy WOO HOO I WON A FABULOUS ALL EXPENSE PAID VACATION TO ARUBA feeling,
rather more of a feeling of general satisfaction in life. The feeling where you wake up WITHOUT a
looming sense of dread about the work day or school day or household chores. Where did that feeling go? Did it get lost with all of those socks that
disappear leaving one lone sock to go it alone in life after a medium heat
tumble dry? Or did I just grow out of
that negative sense of dread that once gripped my soul each time the alarm went
off in the morning. I sure didn’t win
the lottery or get my own reality show or find the path to peace through a
motivational speaker or a self-help book.
Yet, in the past month I just feel “better.” Perhaps I sound like an individual who has
suddenly found her way past great hardship or loss or a deep depression, but
that’s not it either.
Some people have great goals and aspirations in life that
they strive toward on a daily basis. I
love to hear my friends and family speak passionately about the kind of life
that they are working toward and what they intend to achieve. This inspires
me. However, in the past, I always felt
that competitive need to have something just as good to share with them. Trying to keep up with the big dreams and
accomplishments of others as well as what others expect of me might be my
biggest flaw. Maybe old age or the
wisdom of those around me has made me realize that each of us is
different. We all have different dreams. Life is not a competition. Life is not a marathon. Right now life for me isn’t even a “mall
walk.” At this moment life has slowed
down to a beautiful stroll through the woods on a fall day when I can feel the
sun on my face and the wind in my hair.
My big dreams have become baby steps and simple moments. My goals are to find something to smile about
every morning, to surround myself with people who provide me with genuine
laughter and good conversation, sometimes intelligent, sometimes just silly; to
read a good book; to work hard and study hard – but not so hard that it
consumes me; to become a better listener; to eat good food that is not always
good FOR me; to drink a little bit of wine (ok really I was going to say GOOD
wine, but anyone who knows me knows I like my $2.99 Walgreen’s Merlot); to NOT
get angry about little things; to savor
every GOOD moment in life and burn it into my memory; to live life with ease and peace and project
that so others feel more at ease around me;
and to appreciate those priceless things that cannot be measured. So maybe I will continue my career in the
Paralegal field, as I get closer to graduation and beyond. But maybe I will write a book or maybe I will
just own a used bookstore/café. Maybe I
will retire on a beach and live out the rest of my days in a swimsuit and
flip-flops. Whatever I do, I will
surround myself with love and positive energy and good people who enrich my
life and as it does now, that will continue to bring me peace.
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