Broke as a Joke

I am sure many of you poor college students can relate to the title of this post.  Many of you are young, immediately out of high school, and expected this.  And others are like me, hit hard by the economy, probably spent a few years overspending, buying things you can no longer afford because the money seemed endless and the sky seemed to be the limit for what you could earn, achieve, purchase, and accomplish.  However, like me, you now realize you should have been smarter with your money.  You should have set some aside for a rainy day, or the day you lost your job.  Had you done this, you may not have ever seen your material possessions disappear into thin air, repossessed, foreclosed upon or sold to make way for a cheaper version that you could actually afford because of job loss or a pay cut.  But alas, the glass is NOT half empty.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  These material things, this money you may have once earned, which felt like a status symbol, are not the things by which we measure a person.  Because my friends, the best things in life are free.  What's really important in life are the things that we cannot put a price tag on... think of those Master Card commercials and the one item they list as "priceless." 

Back in my 20's I read a book called "The Broke Diaries" which was written by a young woman who went through a slew of low paying jobs and whose meals consisted mostly of Ramen Noodles.  Back then I could relate, as I was living on leftovers my then boyfriend/future husband brought home from his job cooking at the Olive Garden.  (It's only in the past few years that I am able to stand the sight of Breadsticks and Pasta Fagiol soup.)  Years passed and we were blessed with prosperity that made me say things like "As GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL NEVER EAT GENERIC MACARONI AND CHEESE AGAIN!"  As life tends to do, it has come full circle and I am once again checking the couch cushions for change the day before pay day.  And once again, I can relate to "The Broke Diaries."  I could write my own broke diary! Yet this time I am not crying about it, or waiting for prosperity and wealth to return.  This time I feel thankful for what I DO have.  A roof over my head,  a family who loves me (my 18 year old son bowing down at my feet the other night because I made those hot dog/cheese/crescent roll wraps - a comfort food of his childhood - to him this is better than a lobster dinner!),  friends who are there for me and always take care of my family (dropping off bags of what one calls "b*llsh!t food"  a/k/a junk food causing my husband to profess his love for these generous women as we have a buffet of chips and dips and muffins standing at our "furniture in a box" kitchen island snacking away), those friends giving me constant loans of $20 here and there until payday,  and God, who I feel closer to than I ever have before, has blessed me with a beautiful life and looking forward to all of my tomorrows.  

That being said, even if I do come into greater prosperity and wealth in the future, I will continue to live a simple life.  I don't have any great dreams of grandiose material possessions; I am content with what I have at this moment.  I would rather use any extra money I have to give back to others that may be going through what I am going through myself at this moment, and give back to those dear souls who have helped me through rough times.  I will live my life with a greater purpose and understanding.  And just as it is right now, the greatest "riches" in my life will be love.  

What Is A Friend?

What is a friend? Is it a BFF, a bestie, a sister from another mister or a brother from another mother?  A friend is someone with whom you share my random, often ridiculous, thoughts and moments.  When you speak, a friend will listen, with interest and give feedback, opinions, advice, encouragement and when you need it, a little bit of tough love.  A friend will remember EVERYTHING about you, good and bad, because a friend wants to know you well enough to ACTUALLY know you.  A friend can predict your actions and reactions as if they were her own.  When you are hurt, a friend will feel that hurt and keep you in her heart even if she is not with you.  A friend is the first person you want to share good news with and when you are happy and will share that happiness with you.  A friend will care about your family, your health, your MENTAL health, your career, you goals and aspirations.  If a friend only has $20, she will loan you $15.  A real friend will have your back, no matter what – even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with you, she will take your side. A friend gives you a sense of comfort in life and in her home, and has the same comfort in yours.  A friend never has to knock on your door; she is always welcome to walk right in. A friend will share their family, siblings and forever friends with you.  A friend never makes you feel like a third wheel.  A friend will open your eyes to things you may have never seen and expand your interests and open your mind.  A friend can make you laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh until you are almost crying, sharing your same warped sense of humor.  A friend will help you overcome obstacles and heartbreak and hurt, even if it just means just sitting next to you in silence for as long as you need her to.  Friends are not afraid to cry in front of one other.  They share secrets during the darkest hours and also on the finest days.  Friends might go to hell and back fighting for one another and WITH one another.  A real friend will call you at 10:00 at night to work out an argument or misunderstanding from earlier in the day because she doesn’t want you to go to sleep feeling bad.  You will never have to ask a true friend for help because she will know when you need it and offer it up before you even have a chance to ask. 

So when someone asks me “what is a friend?” - it isn’t a simple answer.  True friendship involves layers and layers of complex STUFF and hours of conversations about anything and everything. True friendship involves adventures and shenanigans and inside jokes and catchphrases and laughter and tears.  A true friend is the one person who can make you feel better when it feels like God has finally given you AS MUCH AS YOU CAN HANDLE.  A true friend is part of your “chosen family” and a true friend is rare, but if you are lucky enough to find one, that person will help you to feel a little less alone in this big, big world. 

The Greatest Country in the World

In the midst of this election year and all of the drama that has caused family and friends to engage in Facebook wars and arguments with one another, I wanted to share something that I found not only amusing but also inspirational.  Although I personally keep saying "Ron Paul 2012!" or "people like Obama and people like Romney, but I just like wine", I do have my own political views.  I have tried my best to express them in an adult appropriate manner.  However, it is very disheartening to me that many Americans have resorted to name calling and middle school type tactics to defend their "side".  No matter what I agree with or disagree with, I am open to listening to for the opinions and views of friends, family, acquaintances and strangers and I respect their point of view.

The link attached pokes a little bit of fun of both sides, but also shows how two people (celebrities at that) can come together and teach each other a little bit about the "other side".  It shows that we do not need to have a Civil War over a presidential election, we can still love and respect one another and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.  This is the foundation on which America was built.  Differences and diversity are what makes this the greatest country in the world and makes me proud to be an American.  Though some of you might relate to Sean and some of you might relate to Bob, look into your heart and find the real message in this short film.  One Nation, under God, indivisible we stand.

Click on the link below to watch the film:
Americans - A Public Service Message by Kid Rock and Sean Penn

Going directly to the 12th Grade from Kindergarten

Recently a friend of mine purchased an iPhone.  I believe she may be the last person on the face of the Earth who did not own a smart phone.  In fact, it seemed as if she used the same flip-phone since 1999 and had no desire to upgrade.  I am not sure if this phone was military grade which meant it did not incur damages when dropped on concrete or water spilled on it, and how could she go that many years without ever losing it?  It is hard to believe that one person could just be THAT CAREFUL with their phone.  Or that this person never had any desire to possess a phone with applications for Facebook, You Tube, Google Maps Navigation, or Twitter.  How on Earth could she even travel anywhere without a Navigator to tell her the best way to get to Australia was via Kayak across the Pacific?  I am not even sure if this phone had a camera... and if it did, I am doubtful it had the capacity to send or receive a picture message.  This seemed almost unheard of to most of our friends.  It became a running joke to say things like "hey Lori, take a picture of this... ohhhh wait you don't have a smart phone!!!"

So finally after years of tolerating being given a hard time, she purchased her very first smart phone.  Apparently her motto is "go big or go home"  or maybe she figured she would make sure no one could ever make fun of her phone again because instead of starting with something simple and stepping up as we all have done over the years, she went for the Cadillac of smart phones and bought herself an iPhone!  (Literally this is comparable to trading in a Ford Pinto for a Cadillac!!)  Since her purchase she has learned some new curse words as she learns to operate this phone, randomly calling people without wanting to, learning the joys of auto correct causing her text messages at times to become completely confusing,  causing friends to run to the rescue to save this expensive phone from pouring rain, spilled drinks and general damage which all of us long term smart phone users have learned to avoid!  This isn't your momma's cellphone anymore!  The only other thing I can compare this too is going from kindergarten directly to 12th grade, and skipping all of the grades in between.  Considering that, she is not doing too bad.  It is nice to be able to send her a Facebook Message at any time and know she can actually read it from her phone.  Or not to worry that she is going to get lost on her way to Australia!

TGIF

I hesitate about using TGIF as the title of this blog post.  I dislike that acronym for reasons I am probably not even aware of.  For some reason every time I see TGIF in print it makes me think of Tony the Tiger and Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.  Don't ask me where this comes from, somewhere in the whirlwind vortex of my subconscious perhaps?  And even if it reminds me of that cartoon Tiger and a sugary breakfast cereal, why does that make me dislike the acronym?  I am taking a Psychology course this semester so that should give me some insight..... or not... My only guess is that my mom probably brought Frosted Flakes when they were on sale while I stood in the cereal aisle of the tiny IGA store in Crivitz and had a huge 4 year-old temper tantrum because I wanted Boo-Berry, and my 5 year-old sister had an identical tantrum because she wanted Count Chocula.  Those cereal box characters seemed much more appealing to me than this silly Tiger saying "THEY'RE GRRRREAAATTT!"  (Which was honestly a lie because they are not that great, unless your breakfast of choice is cardboard covered in layers of sugar and you don't care that by the time you reach my age you will have had extensive dental work resulting in less teeth in your head than fingers on your right hand.) 

That said, I am not going to shout out TGIF to my co-workers today, nor am I going to set it as my Facebook status, nor am I going to hashtag it on Twitter.  I WILL say that yes it's Friday, which is a sacred day in the lives of Monday through Friday workers all over the world.  On Friday you can get away with giving less than 100% at work.  On Friday, you can take an extra long lunch break.  On Friday, you do not have to feel guilty about sending personal emails.  On Friday, you can message your friends on Facebook and not feel the need to alt/tab to another screen or minimize the window every time on of your Ninja co-workers sneak up behind you.  On Friday, you can walk into your boss's office at 2 pm and say, "It's kind of slow today, would it be ok if I left early today?"  Truth is, the only thing that is truly slow is your own motivation. 

On this sacred Friday, I will likely do all of those things because I worked extra hard yesterday just to make sure I could.  I will leave work early today.  And I won't feel guilty that I went out for an impromptu 9pm drink last night after a "five minute warning" phone call from a friend that she was coming to pick me up and stayed up later than I should have. I will go home to see if my UPS delivery order from the jewelry party (which included some really strange moments and some kind of ceremony?) has arrived.  Later on, I will get together with a few of my friends to find out about their respective work weeks.  Although the one I am most anxious to hear of is from "Chelsea" who insisted "the last thing I want to do tonight is serve my own drinks to me and clean up after myself!"  This included a full job description of her Adventures in Babysitting Daycare where she and her business partner have glamorous moments of changing diapers, feeding kids with endless questions, sporting spit up in their hair and wiping boogers, the whole time getting wire hangers thrown at them.  We are sure going to have a lot to talk about tonight!  I hope she doesn't forget the wine sippy cup for me! 

A Little Piece about Peace and Contentment

Lately I have been feeling very content with my life.  Not in a comfortable stuck in a rut kind of way, but just content in a way that I feel more at ease in general.  (With myself, with the people in my life, with where I am at and where life has yet to lead me.)  Other than the random mishaps which somehow ONLY happen to me - such as mistaking a live bee on the floor for a piece of fuzz or a crumb and haplessly picking it up with my bare hand and realizing it is a bee once it stings me and my hand blows up to the size of a boxing glove - my life has been void of major drama.  Yet all of this leads me to question what exactly makes each and every one of us feel content.  Not that overwhelmingly happy WOO HOO I WON A FABULOUS ALL EXPENSE PAID VACATION TO ARUBA feeling, rather more of a feeling of general satisfaction in life.   The feeling where you wake up WITHOUT a looming sense of dread about the work day or school day or household chores.   Where did that feeling go?  Did it get lost with all of those socks that disappear leaving one lone sock to go it alone in life after a medium heat tumble dry?  Or did I just grow out of that negative sense of dread that once gripped my soul each time the alarm went off in the morning.  I sure didn’t win the lottery or get my own reality show or find the path to peace through a motivational speaker or a self-help book.  Yet, in the past month I just feel “better.”  Perhaps I sound like an individual who has suddenly found her way past great hardship or loss or a deep depression, but that’s not it either. 

Some people have great goals and aspirations in life that they strive toward on a daily basis.  I love to hear my friends and family speak passionately about the kind of life that they are working toward and what they intend to achieve. This inspires me.  However, in the past, I always felt that competitive need to have something just as good to share with them.  Trying to keep up with the big dreams and accomplishments of others as well as what others expect of me might be my biggest flaw.  Maybe old age or the wisdom of those around me has made me realize that each of us is different.  We all have different dreams.  Life is not a competition.  Life is not a marathon.  Right now life for me isn’t even a “mall walk.”   At this moment life has slowed down to a beautiful stroll through the woods on a fall day when I can feel the sun on my face and the wind in my hair.  My big dreams have become baby steps and simple moments.  My goals are to find something to smile about every morning, to surround myself with people who provide me with genuine laughter and good conversation, sometimes intelligent, sometimes just silly; to read a good book; to work hard and study hard – but not so hard that it consumes me; to become a better listener; to eat good food that is not always good FOR me; to drink a little bit of wine (ok really I was going to say GOOD wine, but anyone who knows me knows I like my $2.99 Walgreen’s Merlot); to NOT get angry about little things;  to savor every GOOD moment in life and burn it into my memory;  to live life with ease and peace and project that so others feel more at ease around me;  and to appreciate those priceless things that cannot be measured.  So maybe I will continue my career in the Paralegal field, as I get closer to graduation and beyond.  But maybe I will write a book or maybe I will just own a used bookstore/café.  Maybe I will retire on a beach and live out the rest of my days in a swimsuit and flip-flops.  Whatever I do, I will surround myself with love and positive energy and good people who enrich my life and as it does now, that will continue to bring me peace.  

If You Had No Obligations, What Would You Do?

A few days ago, a friend of mine who has been going through a bit of self-reflection recently, called me up and excitedly asked if she could read something to me, an essay she had written.  As she was reading it, I was so moved that I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes.  In a world where life is complex and we are constantly inundated with pressure to acquire material goods, it was powerful to read about a simpler kind of life.  I can relate to much of what is written in this essay because of the friendship I have with the author and the endless conversations we have had that have helped me view the recent changes in my own life as a positive step towards my own simpler way of life.  However, I also believe that others who read this will find something in this essay that they too can relate to, even if they don’t know the author.  My dear friend who wrote this has overcome obstacles, been through hardship, heartbreak, and faced challenges in life greater than many of us could ever imagine.  I am so proud of her for her growth as an individual and her enthusiasm, looking ahead toward her future. Today, I would like to share this essay with my blog readers.  Thank you Alicia for allowing me to share this on my blog.  I believe what is written below speaks for itself.

Life without Obligation

Written by Alicia Stiles

If life was as simple of as waking up each morning and saying to my-self “what would I like to do today?” without the obligation of our society’s idea of everyday life, I honestly believe I would change the world. I am not your typical student, with the goals of the average person, to get a degree in order to move up in the corporate ladder, save money for retirement, go off to some tropical paradise and wait for my body to deteriorate, and simply die, leaving my belongings behind to my children. I have a vision of a different world, a shift in consciousness of the human race. If I had the assets available to me, like money, time, and travel (or the ability to easily relocate myself) I would help to take so many people out of the heartache they spend their every moment in. Life is not about who has the biggest house, the nicest car, the best education, or fighting each other (to the death) to prove which political party stands for “what’s right!” Life is about togetherness. Socialism if you will but not socialism among one country, socialism among all the nations. With this being true, if I had no obligations in my own life I would be able to teach my thoughts to many other people allowing them to feel the spiritual freedom that I feel. With that being said, I honestly do not believe it is possible to be the person I want to be and create the change I would like to see in the world if I do not go through the struggles of everyday life that each person must endure. If I do not have to undertake the battles of fighting for what I want in life I will never be able to equate myself to the feelings of the general public that I hope to someday help to see their own reality in a different light.

There is a never ending darkness that plagues the people of generations that inhabit the earth currently. It is hunger, anger, defeat, power, helplessness, selfishness, the overall feeling of every man for himself. This is not the purpose to life and we will forever dwell in our own sorrows until we let go of the painful pleasures that have controlled and defeated our happiness for centuries.  The pain we feel as people comes from an absence of material or emotional feelings. Since the beginning of time, the majority of people in the world have set the principle of what we stand for, and what our goals are, or even what the purpose of life is. By centering our focus on wars, discrimination, materialism, allowing the weakest of mankind to suffer and go without, has allowed the majority of people to believe power and wealth are the purpose of life. Who has the ability to acquire the most possessions?  Who are the most attractive people with the ability to be with, what “group think” projects as the “most attractive” members of the opposite sex? These thoughts and feelings are what fuel the nations and allow for so much pain and torture in the hearts of many.

If I had the ability to spend each day dedicated to enriching my soul and growing my spiritual knowledge vs. the knowledge necessary to survive in our politically driven society I would be able to help so many people release themselves from the painful turmoil they feel from holding on to such integrated thoughts. In order to give my kids the life they deserve and the life that will allow them to be successful in the world at large, I must dedicate myself to standardize schooling and starting my own business that will generate revenue in order to ensure them a solid foundation of college and a chance at what we have all been taught is a “better life.”  If I had no children, I would not work to create a structure and foundation, in a, money driven, greedy community. I would live simply, choosing to educate myself with many different religions allowing my soul to strengthen and walk as a book of knowledge trying to release people from the manmade reality that consumes them. I had children at the very young age of 17 and 18 and only having been with the “one” boyfriend I had, a handful of times, I truly believe Katelyn and Noah have a purpose in life. Currently, I feel my purpose is to give them all the tools they will need to impact as many people as they come in contact with in their lives because three people have the capability to be so much more influential than one person. I believe life has played out this way because it forces me to connect with the commonality between humans. I do not think it is possible to connect with someone unless you understand them at an emotional level and have experienced the things they have gone through.

Through living life with my children and having to integrate into a culture I do not fundamentally agree with I have learned that I need to be able to connect with people on their own level or I will just come across as though I think I am “better than” the individual or group I would like to cultivate with better thoughts and ideas. I absolutely believe that this idea is vital to the success of helping a large portion of the world understand my point of view when I am able to finally share it. I do not think you can understand “happy” if you never feel “sad” or “hurt,” I believe you cannot really feel “love” until your heart is broken and you feel “the absence of love.” I think it is an adverse effect theory, if you do not understand the “negative,” or the bad feelings, your emotions have no competency to understand the corresponding, ”positive” or good feelings. I consider the same theory when I focus my energy on wanting to help humanity live for something better. If I do not understand their current purpose I will not be able to explain why it would be better any other way.

In conclusion, if I had no obligations in life, not a care in the world, I feel I would probably be a complete waste of space. I would take every moment for granted and live through complete greed and self-indulgence. Through hard work and perseverance, at some point in life, I will reach a place of great success which will allow me to take my focus off of the materiality that has controlled my life to this point. Until then I will continue to go through the motions of the positive and negative feelings and moment’s life brings my way. I will struggle financially and work as hard as I am able to, to create a foundation around me so that I may someday have the understanding and knowledge I need to impact many groups of people in many nations. Hopefully creating a shift in consciousness and opening the hearts of many people who will choose to give their life, the same way I choose to give mine. Ultimately creating the “Heaven on Earth” we as a human race long to embrace.