In the past week, at least ten of my friends, family
members, or co-workers have told me, “I just don’t like people!” Some of them simply mean they like their own
people, their core group, their “fab five”, but they don’t like new
people. Others don’t like any people at
all. Whenever my sister and I are
talking about why she chooses not to have any girlfriends, we come to the
conclusion that most people are disappointing.
Some individuals will put all of their focus onto one fabulous person
who they will put on a pedestal. In
these instances, they typically have some sort of tunnel vision where that one
person can do no wrong and this causes a dysfunctional reaction where they
treat everyone else in their life horribly.
Some people are only capable of being nice to one person at any given
time in life.
I generally like people, but the older I get I have been
feeling less and less interested in meeting new people. This is not easy considering I am in school
where I am constantly exposed to new students in each new class and in the
workplace where employees will come and go as often as the clients do. By no means am I writing this to be negative,
but I think it would surprise a lot of people that I have a generalized social
discomfort when it comes to meeting anyone new.
For example, if a group of my friends make plans to do something and
someone says, “I hope it’s ok, I invited my friend Suzy/Joe/Lucy”, I
immediately have this inner sense of panic.
A lot of that comes from the fact that I have such a sense of comfort
with those closest to me, and when you throw a new person into the mix, I will
feel like I have to be “on.” In my
career, my boss feels like networking events are extremely important, so I sign
up to attend and immediately before the event, I start feeling like I am going
on a first date or as if it is my first day of school. This is not because I am uncomfortable with
who I am. It is more because I am 41 years
old and I don’t want to have to try so hard all of the time. Most of the time, I just want to find a
comfortable chair to sit in and if people come to me, great. I just don’t want to have to mingle. The older you get, the harder it is to repeat
your basic “facts” to one new person, much less many of them, over and over and
over again.
The truth is, had I not given people a chance, new people, I
would not be so blessed with some really outstanding friends. I recently gave a hard time to a friend of
mine who decided it was time to focus on just a few people in her life – her
“fab five” so to speak. (Did I make the
cut? Only time will tell I guess! But my
gut instinct tells me I have a pretty good chance). I realized that I probably have done the same
thing. Gone are the days when the
quantity of friend in my life was a status symbol. These days it is the quality of those people that
matters most. So maybe you feel like you
don’t like people, but think of those people who make you laugh when you need
it most. Some of them can have an hour-long
conversation about why Butter never has a Bad Night. Others will impress you when they actually understand
your Baby Jessica in the well reference when you come to the conclusion that
your house was possibly built on top of a sinkhole. Some people will wipe your tears away when you
cry and when you are going through what might seem like the worst thing in the
world, they will feel your pain. There
are some people who will have your back no matter what, even if they feel deep
down inside there might be a chance that you are wrong – they will never let
you or anyone else know that. So today,
for this day, give people a chance.
