Hello My Name is Karrie…. And I am a Procrastinator

Yes, that’s right.  It’s true.  I am going to admit that I am total procrastinator.  I put off today what I have good intentions of doing tomorrow.  Tomorrow comes and I convince myself that tonight is not the right time to do whatever it is that I need to do, that it can wait until tomorrow.  I have good intentions of waking up at 5am to get my day started early and an extra few hours to do those things that I should have done last night.  This is not saying I don’t get many little things accomplished throughout the day.  I am a productive member of society and I am not lazy by any means.   On any given day I can give you a list of everything I have done and it sounds like I have accomplished a lot.  However, I wait until the “eleventh hour” to do the tedious tasks, the complicated tasks, the tasks that make me face up to the fact that I have probably messed something up that I now have to fix.  When the time comes that I can wait no longer, I pray for something to happen to buy me more time.   Yet what good would that do?  If I could buy myself a few more hours, days, weeks, or months, I would likely still put things off until the last minute.  I am sure there are some people out there who are very successful at meeting deadlines, organizing their lives so that they don’t wake up with that dreaded “today is the very final day I can do this” feeling.   But I think a lot of people are like me, and put off those less than pleasant details and duties in life – those we either don’t want to face at this moment, or those that we feel will waste hours of our lives we will never get back. 

Often I put off things I don’t want to do in lieu of  “having fun.”  Because I deserve to have fun if I have had a difficult day.  I convince myself I deserve this fun because it’s been a rough day, week, or month.  I have plenty of time, right?  So my advice for this coming week is as I say, not as I do.  Believe me, you will be happier, feel more accomplished, and it will cause a lot less headaches and worry in your life.  Don’t put off until tomorrow what can be done today! 

An American Tragedy

This morning I woke to the news that a gunmen went on a shooting spree at an Aurora, Colorado movie theater at 12:30 am this morning, where people were waiting in line to see the new Batman movie,  “The Dark Knight Rises.”  Twelve were killed and many more injured.  Apparently, the individual who did the shooting was a young man, only 24 years old.  What leads someone to do something so horrific to their fellow human beings?  What kind of hate in your heart do you have for you life and humanity that you could mercilessly open fire on a group of people, who in the difficult economic times we live in, simply wanted to spend their hard earned money to see a movie?   Perhaps for many of those people, this was their one splurge on entertainment for this pay period.  Perhaps others were teenagers or young adults, close to the age of my own children, with their whole lives ahead of them.   Bright futures lost; taken by someone with bigger issues than any of them could ever imagine.  It scares me.  It makes me want to wake my 18-year-old sons and my 11-year-old daughter and hug them, thankful that they are safe in their own beds this morning. 

Part of me is very angry and wants to say that the young man, the shooter, has a black soul and will spend an eternity in hell, not only on Earth, but also in the afterlife.   Yet another part of me wonders what happened to him in his life to lead him up to this act?  Were his parents abusive, or were they simply parents doing their best (which is all we can really do) to raise their children to become productive members of society?  Were his parents just like me?  Was he bullied in school?  Made fun of and finally had enough and snapped?  Or was he just mentally ill, unable to curb his urge for violence and destruction?  The Christian part of me wants him to find the help he needs and rehabilitate.   But the part of me that fears such people with a penchant for violence does not believe he can truly overcome what he has done, and hopes that he spends his life in prison, far away from anyone he could ever hurt again.  I struggle with this.  I struggle with trying to relate to how his family must feel.  As my own sons move into their futures in the “real world”, they often thank my husband and I for how we have raised them, and fought for them, and stood up for them.  They tell me they wouldn’t be who they are without us and they are proud of who they are.  I can’t imagine either of them ever thinking life was so bad, that going on a shooting spree was their only option.   If this did stem from bullying or something someone said or did to make that young man feel such anger toward the world, it is a sad statement about society.  My own three children have had moments in their lives when other kids in school have picked on them, as all kids do.   I always tell them, there are people in life who will make you feel that way, but as you grow older the one thing you will always have is family (and if you are lucky a few good friends who are your “chosen family”).   That family will love you and protect you and encourage you and have your back, no matter what.  And that’s really what’s important.  

Thirteen

Today is Friday the 13th.  Some people consider 13 an unlucky number. For me, it has always been lucky.  I particularly like THIS Friday the 13th because tomorrow is my birthday!  I have actually decided to have backwards birthdays from now on, so tomorrow I will be rolling my age back to 39.  As for the number 13, there are many reasons why I love this number.  My twin boys were born on November 13th, exactly 13 minutes apart.  My husband lived on 13th Avenue when we met.  On our honeymoon, I sat in seat 13 on the airplane and our hotel room was on the 13th floor.  I could go on with several more examples of why I love the number 13, but I am sure it would bore you.  I just wanted to clarify that my love of the number 13 has nothing to do with it being Taylor Swift's lucky number.  I have been obsessed with the number all of my life.  In fact to this day, when I put gas in my car, I almost always will only put $13 worth in.  Which incidentally only gives me about a quarter of a tank of gas with prices these days so yes I am pretty much going to the gas station every day of my life.

Another one of my favorite things, or people I should say, is Kid Rock.  For months I have heard that he would be playing at Rock USA on my birthday, but tickets to those events are very pricey and I wasn't sure I wanted to commit considering I wasn't a huge fan of any of the other bands playing.  Yes, a lot of that music brings me back to the days of my youth, but in my old age I am more of a country music fan (my teenage self is really hating me for saying that).   In general I love any type of music though, especially live music.  There is nothing like seeing a live band play and the feeling you get being a part of that.  This week, I was fortunate enough to be offered two free passes to Rock USA by one of my very good friends from school.  This included the offer to share her campsite.  Then just as plans were falling together, a very dear relative of mine offered me 4 more free passes as a gift knowing it was my birthday weekend. So not only can my husband and I go, but our 18 year old twin sons will be joining us, as well as some friends.  I feel very lucky to be surrounded by such generous people in my life.  I am sure it is going to be a great birthday weekend, and maybe Kid Rock will sing Happy Birthday to me!!  

Ten Things That Make Me Happy

 Last night I was trying to get to sleep in this hot weather, having an upstairs bedroom that is huge with an air vent so small I believe it was made for a Barbie Doll House and feeling thankful for the tiny bit of cool breeze my central air gives me up there.  I was praying that my central air unit would survive just another two months, since it was “born” way back in 1989 – the year I graduated from high school, a past era of glam rock, Aqua Net, Madonna was popular, Mark Wahlberg was just the little brother of some Boston boys in a band called New Kids on the Block, we had never heard of an X-Box, no one had a home computer or a cellphone, stamps were only 25 cents, the year the first episode of the Simpsons was aired, Yugo cars went bankrupt, the Berlin Wall came down, Ted Bundy was executed, and scientists pronounced it the warmest year on record due to the Greenhouse Effect.  I also found myself with my typical Sunday night insomnia.  Flipping through the channels, I found a TV show on the Bravo network called “Ten Things That Make Me Happy”, featuring Kyle Richards of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fame and some other man who made art, pottery, etc, forgive me whoever you are, I don’t recall your name.  In other words these people were rich beyond what I could ever imagine.  This actually made ME happy, because I was positive this was going to help me to see these folks as less materialistic, as they shared what made them happy were simple things like watching the sunset, playing fetch with the dog, or seeing a baby giggle.  Let me tell you… I WAS SADLY DISAPPOINTED!!  To my shock and dismay, this was the most materialistic bunch of b.s. I have ever seen in my life.  I know who I am, so I will admit, I like some of my “material things”, however, I would never ever categorize things, material things, chandeliers, Chanel Handbags, a pair of vintage white jeans that cost more than one of my paychecks, as things that make me happy.  I have struggled in the past few years (and on and off all of my life) with feeling “poor”, feeling like less of a person because like many people, I live paycheck to paycheck, and rely on the kindness and help of others for many things in my life.  Suddenly I realized that I am not less of a person.  What I lack in material possessions is filled with other things, things that are priceless.  And perhaps my lack of wealth allows me to see the world in a different way, to appreciate those things that are “priceless.”  Those things that we cannot measure with a price tag, those things that are not an empty status symbol, but those which show depth of who we are as human beings. 

So here is my OWN LIST of ten things that make me happy:

1.              Laughing with my children.  2/3rds of you (my sons) can now appreciate my grown up sense of humor, and also have the talent of bantering back and forth with me. You have inherited a sarcastic sense of humor from those people who raised you.  It makes me so happy to interact with you, that I have learned to laugh at myself even when you tease me. Also my daughter, who is not quite 12, you have the ability to come up with the goofiest faces, stories which also brings on genuine silly laughter.  In fact the sound of you giggling at something that I might not even “get” because I am too old, still makes me happy.

2.              My dog. Because she is a 100 pound big baby.  She will growl viciously at strangers, the whole time backing up behind me.  She will put her paw right on top of my hand and give me “puppy dog” eyes when she wants attention, or perhaps thinks I need attention. 

3.              My friends – you all know who you are.  You have seen me through my brightest days and darkest hours.  You have given me honesty, without judgment.  You have even loved me enough to “agree to disagree”, when we have had different viewpoints about certain things.  You have helped raise my children, ran to my rescue at a moment’s notice, and made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry.  You have been my sisters from another mister, brothers from another mother.  You have brought me souvenirs from vacations in far away places, and even those places close to home, and always something small with HUGE meaning behind it.  You have almost gotten me kicked out of restaurants and bars.  You have defended my honor, taken my side when no one in their right mind would.  You have given me hugs and told me you loved me and wiped away my tears.  You have told me that “everything is going to be ok”, no matter how much I felt it wouldn’t be.  You have made me laugh a lot, cry a little, shown me tough love and shown me compassion.  You have introduced me to new foods, new places, new music, and even knew shoes.  You have made me feel like I belong in a world where I often feel alone.

4.              My parents.  Even though my father passed away a few years ago, my mother is still with me.  You have both given me a childhood of wonderful memories in a warm and loving home.  You have supported me and also run to my rescue more times than I have counted.  You have been there for me when I have been in trouble, and broken rules that I should have followed, and picked up the pieces with me, without judging me.  You have fed me, clothed me, cheered me on, and made sure I had working appliances and safe vehicles to drive.  You nurtured my intelligence and kindness and made me the person I am today.

5.              My sisters and brothers.  Though I have been closer with some of you than others, you have all been there for me and shared so many memories that maybe our dysfunctional family could only understand.  You were my first friends, second parents, and I am so proud of all of you.

6.              My nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, etc.  My extended family has also shown me so much love and shared so many good times with me.  You have given me places to go, and been guests in my home.  You have understood that if you stay at my house, you should not expect a big breakfast in the morning, but never complained about it!  Some of you have been like second children to me, and some like second parents, and some of you built in friends.

7.              The sun on my face and the wind in my hair.  Nothing makes me happier than a beautiful sunshiny, breezy day.  It must be the vitamin D, or the fact that we only get a few months of good weather in Wisconsin.

8.              The library or any other place where I am surrounded by books.  This must be my “inner geek”, but I love a good book.  It makes me happy to read but so sad to get to the end of every book I read because it leaves me wanting to read more!!

9.              Flowers – especially Stargazer lilies, which I have now learned to grow in my own flower garden.  They are not only beautiful, but they have this scent that is better than anything I have ever smelled in my life, almost intoxicating!

10.          And last but not least my husband.  You are the hardest working man I know.  You have shown me patience and love when I did not deserve it.  You have cared for me when I have been sick.  You have made a child with me, and helped me raise children.  You have opened up and grown up with me.  You have held my hand and told me you would take care of me when I was afraid.  You have encouraged me.  You have told me I was beautiful on days when I clearly knew I was not, and you meant it.  You have gone from making me “mix tapes” to “mix cd’s” to serenading me outside of the bedroom window with a boom box.  You have taken me on surprise adventures and been open to new experiences as well as opening me up to some myself.  You have been able to hold a conversation about religion, politics, and reality TV.  You say you can’t stand the Housewives or the Kardashians, but I secretly think you like those shows, or you would not watch them with me.  You create the goofiest inside jokes with me.  You show me love and calm me down when I need it. You are one of the people I can tolerate when I am intolerable of the human race.  You truly define “we’ll make it work” – to infinity!